i've lost everything

last few days has been killing me, it seems that i have lost a lot of things precious to me and i can't help but to think that she hate me a lot. really feel like killing myself so that everyone can be happy when i am gone

It's been at least a year since I blog and looks like this is my last and only place to write down how I really feel without anyone looking. Everything is fake my smile my mood even my words are fake.